So the other day I woke up with a taxi in my bedroom. True story.
Well, if I’m being honest, it was only half in my bedroom. The other half was still stuck through the ceiling, presumably perched high enough for the whole neighborhood to see. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “What’s a guy to do with a taxi in his ceiling?” Oh, I’ll get to that. Just you wait.
I hear gunfire outside. Great. Another perfect Saturday ruined by some sort of time-travelling evil wizard. Eh, in this case it was actually an interdimensional pig man. A little different, but same results.
Monsters everywhere. The commotion outside is the last of our military forces trying to gun down this huge rat creature. They can’t get the job done, and I’m late for my morning yoga at this point, so I crash through the window, lay a bit of hurt on him, and coins come out. Standard practice. I keep the cash, of course. Gotta save for your future around here.
Speaking of “around here,” it’s demolished, and I mean the whole city. There’s nothing for miles. Pig man really did a number on this place. Suddenly, this carpenter comes out of nowhere and offers to fix my house! No problem. Just earned some moolah from that fight I was telling you about. See what I mean about saving for your future? I toss him some cash, he fixes up my house, and I power-lift that taxi and toss it off my rooftop.
The driver must have been inside, because out he comes, and he’s elated! He offers me free taxi rides for life. I just need to refill the fuel. You never forget your first set of wheels! So off we go, exploring the city one fuel tank at a time, ready to clean up the streets. First stop we hit, there’s this giant lizard-man looking at me like he’s ready to throw down. Yeah…I punched him in the face. He had it coming. And there’s more where that came from.
So where do I go from here? Depends. I’m going to need your help. Punch, punch, kick, punch. It’s not just a clever name. It’s a way of life.