When I got this app, it would continuously crash and malfunction. It only worked when I needed it least and when no one would expect it. One time it made my phone suddenly buzz. This buzz made my phone fall off the table but instead of hitting the floor, it instead got caught on a string which let loose a wheel of Swiss cheese which rolled down the stairs into a glass of water, displacing and spilling it just enough to knock over a chain of dominos with them progressively getting bigger and bigger with the final one turning on a hair dryer, that blew a ping-pong ball into the air, making it bounce across a marimba, eventually nudging a candle with wheels, which rolled down a track, stopping right under a stick of butter, that melted until it slid off the table and across the floor, hitting a pickleball into a squash ball into a golf ball into a baseball into a volleyball into a basketball into a bowling ball which turned on a fan blowing a paper airplane onto a toaster, shooting a piece of pre buttered toast into the air which grazed a knife handle while I was cutting strawberries sending the knife into the air towards my face. Luckily the knife narrowly missed me as it whizzed past me and dug its blade into the wall, stopping this massive chain of events. Alternatively, the pre-buttered toast was still airborne, and spun around rapidly in the air eventually landing (of course) butter-side down. The toast scared my cat, who darted into the bathroom straight into a toilet paper roll getting his head stuck in the cardboard tube. Then the toilet paper tangled the cat, barreling across the piano keys and toppling into the bowl of orange juice and then careening into the refrigerator. My cat jumped out of the refrigerator along with most of its contents. He then realized he wasn’t tangled in toilet paper and calmed down . . . for about one second until he saw he was right beside a cucumber that had been thrown out of the refrigerator. He got so scared that he jumped through the ceiling, out into space and back in time. He then went into an elliptical Earth orbit where he collided with an asteroid that would cause its collision course towards Earth, which eventually killed the dinosaurs. He then traveled through time, back to the present day and back towards Earth. He (a dead body by this point) then fell through the ceiling of the TDSB HQ building and caused a carbon monoxide leak in the building giving a bunch of TDSB officials brain damage which gave them the idea to make an app that won’t keep you logged in even when you press the “Keep Me Logged In” button.
