Never has a game’s title been such a perfect description of its content. Meat. Cannon. Golf. Three of life’s finer things, united, at last. If traditional golf is “a good walk spoiled”, Meat Cannon Golf is “a tasty meal fired at the sky.”
The usual mechanics of iPhone golf games are present. You choose the direction you want to fire in and tap to power up, then tap again at the precise moment to launch an accurate shot.
Except you have a cannon instead of a club, and you’re not launching balls but hunks of meat. You start with a chicken carcass, but there are six dishes to unlock in total, including meatballs, fish and ribs. Each will move differently. A steak flies with incredible force, but bounce? Not so much.
There’s a touch of crazy golf about the fairways, with moving platforms or axes concealing certain holes. Watch out for tractors and lawnmowers! Firing your cannon the correct way’s not easy if it’s knocked over.
Once in the air, aftertouch enables you to give your dinner bonus spin, which can help avoid obstructions. Alas, wildlife will take an interest – many an airborne ham shank will end up in the rough if a bird grabs it.
There are two tours currently available in the game, with four nine-hole courses in each. You can play against up to three other players by taking turns on the same device, and you’ll receive regular cosmetic rewards in the form of different cannon paint. You might say there’s a feast (ahem) of options.