The Doomsday Alarm Clock 12+

I used to wake up to a regular beepbeepbeep alarm and what I didn’t realize until I downloaded The Doomsday Alarm Clock is that the beepbeepbeep that jolted me awake every morning also jolted awake every single existential anxiety I’ve known because beepbeepbeep literally sounds like a bomb about to detonate. That sound has been subconsciously impacting FOR YEARS and I never knew it, until today when I woke up to the soothing sounds of an impending supervolcano that will end life as we know it on Earth. I woke up in a CALMER STATE than I had ever woken up before. Why? Because it spoke to and soothed my existential dread. Unlike that god forsaken beepbeepbeep which left me existentially blueballed every morning.

This is my life. Everyday, I wake up, and work myself into a fuming froth over the latest injustice I read about on Twitter. This is followed by 8 hours of existential dread at work, wondering if my labor really means anything to this world.

After work, I stare into my infant son’s eyes, and apologize for the broken world he will inherit. This is followed by more Twitter froth, and then restless sleep.

The only true peace I get is the sleepy innocence between waking and the shocking realization that I will do everything all over again. This is unacceptable!

Thanks to this beautiful app, my dream of finally living a Groundhog Day like existence of fear and fury is finally a reality!

Goodbye morning innocence, hello reality!

This alarm clock can wake up for the world to end