The Procession to Calvary 17+

Joe Richardson Games

    • 4.6 • 38 Ratings
    • $3.99



Pilfer from pirates, conspire with cardinals and perform miracles with an incompetent magician. The Procession to Calvary is a Pythonesque adventure game made from Renaissance paintings, and a spiritual successor to the critically acclaimed Four Last Things.

Huzzah! The holy war is over! Your oppressors have been vanquished, the churches of the Old God lay in ruin and thousands of innocent people have been murdered! But it's not all good news; the tyrant Heavenly Peter has escaped your clutches, and you have been tasked with the mission of finding him...

Your journey will take you through a richly detailed landscape built from hundreds of different Renaissance paintings. You will steal a ship, feed a donkey, compete in a talent contest, assist an inept street magician, sing, dance, laugh, poke a man's face, hunt for treasure and have a chat with Our Lord God Almighty... But will you find Heavenly Peter? And if you do, how will you take your revenge!?


Pointing and Clicking – A traditional point and click interface, with a 'verb coin' interaction menu and a simple inventory from which you can drag and drop your preciously hoarded items.

Renaissance Artwork – Paintings by Rembrandt, Botticelli, Michelangelo and many more are brought together into one consistent world, in a way that is also as sympathetic as possible to the original works.

Classical Music – a soundtrack selected to fit with the style of the artwork. Music from classical composers such as Vivaldi, Bach and George Frideric Handel will accompany you on your journey.

Standalone Story - The Procession to Calvary is set in the same world as Four Last Things, but it's story can be played independently.

Optional Murder – You will be equipped with a sword. This will become useful in a number of different situation, but you will be strongly discouraged from using it on people. Ignoring this advice - and murdering anyone who stands in your way – will serve as a useful method of skipping any puzzles you don't like. But be warned; your actions might come back to haunt you...

Nonsense – Surreal, anarchic comedy. Lofty subject matter is treated with refreshing flippancy. Gags about butts are taken very seriously. But rest assured, while some of the jokes may be ridiculous, the puzzles make perfect sense! (or at least adhere to a consistent internal logic)

Moments of Surprising Profundity – Actually, no... Don't read too much into it.

Ratings and Reviews

4.6 out of 5
38 Ratings

38 Ratings

smd711me ,

Perfectly hilarious and challenging game

Get this game. No wait. Get their first game Four Last Things, play that then get this. You will appreciate this advice and the characters come back for a visit in The Procession to Calvary. I love how you had to work at the puzzles but somehow I never got frustrated because I was laughing non-stop. Joe Richardson, you are amazing!

Olympic Tim ,

Excellent Game

This game used the mechanics of old Sierra games with a beautiful mix of Dutch and Italian paintings. Really beautiful. The dialogue is really quite witty and the puzzles are good. Overall game play is smooth and the whole thing is straight up fun. Well done and well worth the money.

Knightrider325 ,

Monty Python humor + deranged murdering + surprising poignancy

This game was feckin hilarious but also quite crude if that’s not your thing. Great puzzles, killer dialogue, lots of historical references for the attentive player. Had some insight on the nature of power underneath all the fart jokes

App Privacy

The developer, Joe Richardson Games, indicated that the app’s privacy practices may include handling of data as described below. For more information, see the developer’s privacy policy.

Data Not Collected

The developer does not collect any data from this app.

Privacy practices may vary, for example, based on the features you use or your age. Learn More


  • Family Sharing

    Up to six family members can use this app with Family Sharing enabled.

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