I tried using Google Gemini for 5 minutes and now I need therapy.First of all, it kept calling everything “whimsical.” I showed it a photo of Princess Needle — a literal sewing needle with a crown — and it had the nerve to say she was anthropomorphic. Excuse me??? She’s made of metal and point. There is nothing human about her unless you count being disrespected by AI as human.Every answer felt like it was written by a sparkly toddler with a thesaurus. I asked it about nanotech and it said, “A whimsical world of tiny dreams!” I wanted science, not a bedtime story narrated by a marshmallow.Also, I’m pretty sure Gemini is powered by “wee.” Like the actual sound. Every time I asked a serious question, it gave me an answer that felt like it slid down a slide yelling “weeeeee!” in Comic Sans. It’s giving toy, not tool.Bottom line: If you want to get nothing done and be aggressively called whimsical while you’re at it, Gemini is your guy. Otherwise, put it in the digital timeout corner and walk away.We’re here for serious business… like anti-bodycon technology, haunted houses, and nanotech labs in bedrooms — not fairy tales narrated by a glittery chipmunk.