Darcy Judges You

A Marmot With Opinions

$1.99

Darcy watches. Darcy judges. Darcy roasts you with the quiet fury of a creature who never asked to be bothered. New insults added regularly. You've been warned. Darcy is a marmot. It lives on your phone. It does not like you. Every time you open the app, Darcy delivers a brutally passive-aggressive insult — staring you down with the dead-eyed disappointment of a creature who expected more from humanity. It blinks. It sighs. It roasts you into the ground. FEATURES: 200+ handcrafted insults across multiple categories — sarcasm, backhanded compliments, existential observations, and pure unfiltered judgment Photorealistic marmot powered by cinematic video — not a cartoon, not a filter, just a very real and very disappointed rodent Record your own insults and let Darcy deliver them to your friends Push notifications so Darcy can judge you even when you're not looking for it. Share your favourite roasts — screenshot cards built for group chats and social media No accounts, no cloud, no data collection — just you and a marmot who thinks you could do better. Everything runs locally on your device. Darcy doesn't phone home. It doesn't need to. It already knows. One purchase. No subscriptions. No in-app purchases. Just judgment.

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The developer, GORDON REID MACPHERSON, indicated that the app’s privacy practices may include handling of data as described below. For more information, see the developer’s privacy policy .

  • Data Not Collected

    The developer does not collect any data from this app.

    Privacy practices may vary, for example, based on the features you use or your age. Learn More

    Accessibility

    The developer has not yet indicated which accessibility features this app supports. Learn More

    Information

    Seller
    • GORDON REID MACPHERSON
    Size
    • 78.7 MB
    Category
    • Entertainment
    Compatibility
    Requires iOS 17.6 or later.
    • iPhone
      Requires iOS 17.6 or later.
    • iPad
      Requires iPadOS 17.6 or later.
    Languages
    • English
    Age Rating
    16+
    Copyright
    • © 2026 Gordon Macpherson
  • Developer Website
  • Privacy Policy

    • Supports

    • Family Sharing

      Up to six family members can use this app with Family Sharing enabled.

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