DefinitelyNotLovefinderrz

Name: DefinitelyNotLovefinderrz
Price: 0.99 USD
Rating: 0 (0 reviews)
Author: Bobby Felton Smith

Lifestyle

$0.99 · Designed for iPad

Ages

4+
Years
Category

Lifestyle
Developer

Bobby Felton Smith
Language

EN
English
Size

11.9
MB

Love. Science. Questionable ethics. One scan is all it takes. Don’t ask what powers it. What if love could be found with a tap? Definitely Not Lovefinderrz is a totally normal, definitely stable love-matching app powered by questionable algorithms, fake science, and just enough overconfidence to be dangerous. Built for those brave enough to scan their emotional frequency, facial geometry, and unknown inner data, this app takes you on a bizarrely personal journey to your "ideal match." No swiping. No chatbots. Just trust the process. And please, don’t worry about the background processes. Or the humming. Or the fact that no one seems to know who built it. That’s all part of the experience. FEATURES Scan yourself with our custom-built "Love Analysis System" Answer a few absurdly deep, but oddly simple, questions about yourself Watch as the system runs through totally real phases like "emotional depth indexing" and "compatibility vector calculation" Experience a full-screen match reveal sequence that is definitely not trying to tell you something deeper No data collection, no servers, no cloud AI — it’s just you and the interface Optional glitch moments, dramatic transitions, and weirdly accurate affirmations Fully offline, so even the AI has nowhere to run WHAT IT’S NOT A social network A dating simulator A Rick and Morty product (please don’t sue us) A functioning app according to traditional standards Any kind of actual scientific tool Safe for fragile egos WHAT IT IS A parody of dating apps A self-love machine in disguise An ego boost that looks suspiciously like satire A therapy session hosted by a very unserious interface An app you install as a joke and delete a week later after realizing it knew too much Whether you're alone, curious, emotionally available, emotionally unavailable, or just procrastinating something important, Definitely Not Lovefinderrz will tell you exactly what you didn’t realize you needed to hear. We didn’t design this app to be helpful. We designed it to be uncomfortably accurate and fun in a weird, self-reflective kind of way. So go ahead. Tap the button. Let the scanner do its thing. You’ll see. WARNING Using this app may cause unexpected self-confidence, mild existential reflection, and brief romantic delusions. Also, there’s no uninstalling your own emotional insight. We accept no responsibility for what happens after you meet your match. Especially if it’s you.